Cruise?
I think so
Well...I hope so.
Im too stuck to the island,
Came 5th today, schools jumping... all thanks to gabs..
Ralph just doesnt get a grip, I know ive over bitted him, but for a horse thats usually so chilled he was a nervous wreck.
Tbh hes been there so many times you would of thought he'd be sensible.
I feel guilty, the whole stress of school and cos im tired I just take it out on him,
What can he do? He cant speak, he cant tell me whats wrong :(
Horses shouldnt be ridden, kept in stables, fed saureen bread... :L
But where else can they go?
Ive noticed lately Ive been chatting absolute shit.
My mind is somewhere else when I have a conversation with anyone...
Words I can imagine in my head dont quite make it out my mouth.
Maybe Im not as clever as people think I am..
Or
I've just got problems.
Talking about problems...
Was talking to Lauren earlier...
about Dads.
Well, we both have our own difficulties with them,
I mean coming home from school not knowing how you are going to be greeted?
You think its alright when your 'tired' and you take it out on everyone, but as soon as Im tired and not in the mood I get it in the neck.
Somedays I wish you didnt live with us. And yet you redeem yourself?
The way you treat Mum, she doesnt deserve it. But then I can talk...
When your in a nice mood we get on like the house is on fire.
I have too much of your personality.
I feel enclosed, Im currently stuck in my room writing a blog, (yes Ive chosen to stay in as I am tired...and I would snap as i am not in the best of moods)? Writing about stuff I dont even want people to know, yet I carry on. Cos I've got to the point now, where I really dont give a fuck. Yes. A big fat fuck.
I need to stop thinking and worrying about other people, and what they think of me...
I need to be more selfish.
Not a good thing but Ive been driven to think this.
Im on the deprived point now. I cant take this no more.
I ache.
So much.
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